This just in: I fail at life (was there really ever any doubt?)

After finding out that I am apparently so incredibly awful I suffocate the personalities of those forced to associate with me, I wrecked my car. I wrecked it so fucking hardcore that I have my first non parking ticket ever, an impressive Picasso-esk array or bruises, and it's going to cost $200 to 'dispose' of it (Fucking Roosevelt's, that care has at least half a grand of parts in it, and your gonna charge me to get rid of it??) I ended up passing out in the goddamn Commuters Lounge last night for lack of other places to sleep. I haven't gotten laid in four months and every time I turn around one of my friends goes "How's Charlie?" or "Wheres Charles?"when I tell them with varying degrees of bitterness that said person is in New Paltz and thrilled to be rid of me they get all confused and say: "but you where so happy, what happened?" I don't know what to tell them. Every time I see some random couple engaging in gratuitous displays of PDA, or even holding hands I have to resist the urge to throttle them with my head phones. So I get wasted off of cheap brandy, bum smokes off of old friends, and hit on barely-legal freshmen.


one of those will pan out, right?

 Fuck this noise, I'll going for the coby 5  (thats a 9th semester for you non cobleskill folks) maby I'll have time to sleep now


...


Bwahahahahhahahahahahahaha!!!!

ahhh, I crack myself up sometimes...

 So mum did end up paying me back the 200 (mostly) it went fairly quickly into food and the like but still. We're still not quite talking but she's nice enough when I have to call for one thing or another.

I got my wisdom teeth out yesterday (not bad at all, thank you modren meds) but I have sinse made the unhappy realization that Loratab makes me beyond bitchy. I say things that I don't even realize are bitchy untill one of my roomates points it out ot I remeber it the next day. Nasty (maby my 'good' shoulder angel is passed out, but the 'evil' one has higher tolerence?) 

I'm having to drop the team, that brings me down to 20.5 credits, 19 hours a week working in Prentice (I start sunday, yay) and trying to go home one day a week (hopefully get a lesson from Jeff) I have to take that many credits to avoid a fifth semester (I wont graduate untill december because of the intership, but I don't wanna take out the loans I would need once my tap/pell runs out after this spring) and with mom being...mom and dad going off all over the place training different outfits at different forts (pining him down for the child support will be 'real' easy) I can't count on outside money for the bills. I have a hefty refund coming back from my loans at some point, but after getting some esentials for the house (I never realized how much of what little I 'cook' involves a toaster over or microwave) a car, and the first six monthes of exorbiant insurence there is not gonna be a whole lot left. I won't have much time to breath or do homework/papers, let alone knit or paint.

Charlie is doing an amazing job of dealing with my nuttiness (actually he's managing to keep me fairly stable) despite the shit going on in his own life. Where did I find this guy?

aaaand a break from the emo bullshit to say why didn't I start reading Dr McNinja years ago?? (LJ is being a ho so heres the link http://www.drmcninja.com)

And why the fuck can't I remember the names of those damn places my mother made me volenteer?? stupid resume...

eta watching Geraldo ogle a barbie talking about boob jobs, wtf america, wtf

Soooo, my mother? NO grip on reality, really, NONE..

She wants to have all these things and does nothing but cry when she realizes she just can't, and  she cries all the harder since her whole life somone has allways steped in to make it ok and fix it for her when ever she has a problem and now the only person who can is me and I won't. 

I won't give up my apartment, my degree, my life so she can have her little world be perfect.

I can't raise my mother, I fucking refuse


She has this idea that she can have gramma home, go to the fair, do her gardern&goats, and have her 'babies' at home. All without losing any sleep (because poor Mommy and Polly just can't function without their 12 hours a night, plus naps) but know what? I love grandma, I love her more than I love any other fucking person in this family. But I know damn well I can't just drop out of college so she can avoid a few weeks in rehab.


fucking dammit

I left the camp just in time for grams to fall again and break her leg, the break is in such a way that it looks as this one is the fall she'll never walk from again. She hasnt had the surgery yet (they think maby tomorrow morning) and it's going to be rough (can't use a tounakit, huge incision, on a 83 yo woman with mild heart issues) so yeah, bad place right now

So yeah, my complete lack of social skills is biting me on the ass as usual, all the girls are now aware what a compleat loser freak I am

also the whole straight stalls thing being something I have never worked with before got me kicked in the shoulder today (i'm fine, just stiff) so I managed to come off as a incompetant loser, thank you world

and heres another kicker, every damn one of them is a fucking homophobe who derides lesbian/bi girls in one breath and fake flirts with each other the next

so yeah, I'm the odd man out, the only one with any homosexual leanings, the most inept, an this is looking to be a very lonely summer




yeah I turned the comments off, don't really wanna be comforted (just needed ro rant)

Gah camp! Running in woods after boys hunting imagianary birds with a blankie pregnancy! Bears! Thirtyfive ponies! Stalker chipmunks! Techno campfires! Teeny hyper british girls!! awkward scots/irish/english accent rubbing off!

CPR, first aid, epi-pen and all that crap today, insureence forms and fucks knows what else tomorrow

the food is awfull (worse than the college dining halls worst efforts) but cereal, walmart and oh-so-loving carpackages shall maintain my bountifull booty

salute!

P.S. thunderstorms are even cooler on top of a mountain

P.P.S. Charlie you gotta letter in the mail with authentic FV sceanery enclosed

another hour with my Charlie and then it's off to frost valley! Untill then I need to repack all of my crap :( boooo 

I kinda wanna steal his little sister and His parents are nice (this is even more noticable when I realize that not only are things not done for next semester but Mommey Dearest hasnt done the taxes yet, wahey)